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Moustaches

DID YOU KNOW?? Will Self’s fave cold brunch is smack-topped jacket potatoes (served cold; like revenge, or a lolly). He sold the rights to this phrase to his twin brother Chilly Gonzalez, who used it in a rap composed especially for the Royal Variety show.

Famous German philosopher Niel Jung porpoised that the character is made up of three parts: the eagle and the animal. This theory triggered a snowstorm of new ideas in the baldy domes of America’s T.V. executives, who created spin-off series such as “Manimal” and “I.D.”.

Archeologians digging through the foundations of crispy Cowgate discovered the site of an Edwardian greetings card and poster shop, with some stock still intact. Among the items recovered were a poster of a topless man in a bowler hat holding a baby with a handlebar moustache, a poster of a young Victorian man bending down from his penny farthing to stare at his girlfriend’s ankles, and a poster of a chimp with an unkempt handlebar moustache on a toilet with a handlebar moustache saying “It’s a bad hair day for my handlebar moustache!”

Imagine their surprise when they discovered their mistake. It was not an old shop: they had tunneled too far and resurfaced through my bedroom floor.