octobre 15, 2005
Never eat anything bigger than your head
Disclaimer: I wrote this a good two years before taking up with the current Mrs. This was the closest thing to bitter I had ever been - feeling 42, acting 17. I have no cause to think like this no more, but I've kept it here for posteriority.
Never get involved with anyone whom you consider to be more skilled and accomplished than yourself. Your love and admiration will soon give way to feelings of inadequacy and resentment. You might think that this person will encourage you to recognise your own potential. But that just leads to a slippery slope of reflection and resolution. Growth is just another word for tumour. Moreover, don’t try and find comfort in their weaknesses and vices – it’s not a charming display of human frailty, it’s an ugly mirror of your own corruption.
Solution: Mésalliance. Avoid the issue of projection by finding someone more virtuous and unassuming than yourself. Avoid the feeling of emasculation* by making sure that their talents and achievements do not outshine your own. You may measure yourself out at your own pace. You will not be challenged. You’re only as clever as you feel. Claim the X-factor: you’re bald (stress-related alopecia) and crippled (emotionally) so grab a wheelchair and surround yourself with nutants.
Go ahead, fart – no one can hear you up there, and even if they could, they would just think it was the squeak of Helios’ chariot wheels echoing down your back passage.
* Girls can feel emasculated too: see Clement Freud’s works on the Electric Complex.